


Philip's HamilChat and the MemeSquad

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Texting, Another secret relationship????, F/M, Lmao what is this, M/M, Secret Relationship, im such trash????, just some trash, skype fic, texting fic, they're all huge memes, trash and sin, until pip fucks up, writing this is basically therapeutic lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:35:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7283740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pippi-Longstocking: Love you too, baby.</p>
<p>Pippi-Longstocking: FUCKITY FUCK WRONG CHAT</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. HAMFAM.jpg

**Author's Note:**

> lmao this is just some Sin
> 
> not part of the Non-Chron Chronicles
> 
> usernames:  
> Pippi-Longstocking - Philip  
> Angica - Angie  
> Axe Body Spray - Axl  
> Jammy Dodger - James  
> Theo the Younger - Theodosia  
> El Georgio - Georges  
> Francy - Frances  
> Willy Milly - Will
> 
> i think that's all of them
> 
> i tried to make these obvious lmao

**Pippi-Longstocking** Love you too, baby.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** FUCKITY FUCK WRONG CHAT

 **Angica** Ooh, Philip's got a girlfriend ;)

 **Pippi-Longstocking** NO I DONT SHUT UP I HATE YOU

 **El Georgio** Ooh, who is it?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** ITS NO ONE I STG IM LONELY ILL BE LONELY FOREVER I DONT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU'RE ALL FAKE

 **Theo the Younger** He's lying.

 **Theo the Younger** I know who it is.

 **Theo the Younger** Me.

 **Angica** SWEET JESUS, IS THIS FOR REAL?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 **Axe Body Spray** YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **Francy** OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE BEST

 **Willy Milly** IM SCREAMING NO JOKE I STG THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 **Angica** GUYS LOOK HE'S BLUSHING THE LITTLE BLUSHY EMBARRASSED KIDDO

 **Angica** _sent an image_ **BlushyPip.jpg**

 **Jammy Dodger** Why is there screaming?

 **Jammy Dodger** And why is Axl jumping on my bed?

 **Francy** PIP AND THEO ARE DATING

 **Jammy Dodger** HOLY SHIT LET'S ALL GO JUMP ON HIS BED

 **Axe Body Spray** THAT SOUNDS FUN, HELL YEAH

 **Angica** FAMILY PORTRAIT TIME

 **Angica** _sent an image_ **HAMFAM.jpg**

 **Francy** Lmao @ Philip's face tbh.

 **Willy Milly** He looks so done with all of you.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** It's because I'm done with all of them.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Theo the Younger** What happened?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** They were all jumping on my bed while I was sitting on it.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** And then our mom told them to stop.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** And then they fell all over each other in an attempt to go tell our parents.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** _sent an image_ **HamFam2.jpg**

 **Angica** HOLY FUCKBALLS

 **Angica** BURRS ARE COMING OVER FOR DINNER IN AN H O U R

 **Angica** I STG IF YOU DONT TELL MOM AND DAD RIGHT NOW ILL TELL THEM FOR YOU

 **Pippi-Longstocking** You wouldn't dare.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** OH SHIT

 **Pippi-Longstocking** OKAY, OKAY, ILL DO IT PLEASE STOP JUST STOP

 **Francy** I'm a little bit scared to ask what's happening.

 **Axe Body Spray** YOU SHOULD BE

 **Jammy Dodger** WHAT IS THIS HELL WE'RE IN

 **Jammy Dodger** _sent an image_ **PLZSAVEUSALL.jpg**

 **Willy Milly** Okay, she's just licking inside his ear. She's done worse.

 **Axe Body Spray** IT WAS SO MYCH WORSE

 **Jammy Dodger** I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO DIE

 **Theo the Younger** Do we even want to know?

 **Axe Body Spray** NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPITY NOPE

 **Francy** friends!!!!!!

 **Francy** i have realized!!!!!!

 **Francy** i will arrive in america!!!!!!

 **Francy** in 27 days!!!!!!!!!

 **Angica** YESSSSS FRANCY OMG IM SO HYPE FOR THIS

 **Theo the Younger** BBY YOU COMING HOME TO US

 **Jammy Dodger** I CANT WAIT IMMA HAVE SOMEONE TO STARE AT CUTE BOYS WITH

 **Willy Milly** OMG CAN I COME

 **Francy** YES THE MORE THE MERRIER

 **El Georgio** Aww ;(

 **El Georgio** I won't be able to come when Francy does.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Nooo, Georgie, why?

 **El Georgio** BECAUSE ILL ALREADY BE THERE LMAO

 **Willy Milly** You little bitch.

 **El Georgio** I'm your little bitch ;)

 **Pippi-Longstocking** EW

 **Pippi-Longstocking** I FEEL VIOLATED

 **Theo the Younger** Calm the fuck down.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Okay.

 **Angica** OKAY BUT HOW DID THAT W O R K

 **Theo the Younger** ;)

 **El Georgio** FUCK I WAS JOKING BUT NOW I'M THE ONE THAT FEELS VIOLATED

 **Jammy Dodger** NOW IM KIND OF NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THEO COMING OVER

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Okay.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** I'm gonna do it.

 **Willy Milly** Do what?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Tell my parents I'm dating Theo.

 **Angica** O SHIT BOI WADDUP

 **Angica** _sent a video_

_(The video shows Philip, sitting up in his bed, shirtless the covers up to his waist and his open laptop in front of him.)_

**_Angelica_** _(_ _From behind the camera) Do it now._

 **_Philip_** ****_Ugh, fine._

_(He closes his laptop, puts it next to him, and pulls the covers back, before standing and stretching.)_

**_James_** **** _Put some clothes on, you little bitch._

 **_Philip_ ** ****_What the fuck do you think I'm doing?_

 **_Axl_ ** ****_You know who wouldn't mind if he wasn't wearing a shirt?_

 **_Angie, James, and Axl_ ** _THEO!_

 **_Philip_ ** _I hate you all._

_(He puts on a shirt, then leaves the room, the camera following him, until he goes down the stairs and rounds a corner, and the camera stays back, Philip's back in the edge of the frame.)_

**_Eliza_** _(_ _offscreen) You're changing before the Burrs get here, right?_

 **_Philip_** ****_Of course. Hey, there's something I need to talk to you and Dad about._

 **_Eliza_ ** **** _Is everything okay?_

 **_Philip_** **** _For now._

 **_Alex_** **** _What's going on?_

 **_Philip_** ****_Well, I've been seeing a girl for a couple months, and about six weeks ago, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes._

 **_Alex_ ** _I'm not seeing how this is a bad thing, but okay._

 **_Eliza_** **** _Who is she? Will we get to meet her?_

 **_Philip_** ****_Well, uh...you already have._

 **_Eliza_** **** _Oh, okay. Who is she?_

 **_Philip_** **** _Theodosia Burr?_

_(Lots of laughter and something that sounds like a high five.)_

**_Philip_** ****_I honestly thought that this would have much more of a negative impact._

 **_Eliza_** **** _Pshh. Not when you've been in love with her since you were six._

_(Muffled laughter from behind the camera.)_

**_Alex_** ****_What was that?_

 **_Philip_** **** _It was Angie, Axl, and Jamie. They're filming this interaction._

 **_Alex_** ****_Do I even want to know?_

 **_Philip_** **** _Nah._

 **_Eliza_** **** _Make sure to change, your clothes smell like they've been lying on the floor in a pile._

 **_Philip_** **** _Well, they basically have been._

 **_Eliza_** **** _You're gross._

 **_Philip_** ****_Aww, thanks, Mama._

_(Philip turns and begins walking towards the camera. Once he rounds the corner, he flips the camera the bird. Laughter is heard from behind the camera before the video cuts out.)_

**Theo the Younger** Awwwwwwwww, bby

 **Pippi-Longstocking** <3

 **Theo the Younger** <3

 **Angica** *is dying of cuteness overload*

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Ewwwwww

 **Pippi-Longstocking** They're all squealing and rolling around on the floor in my room.

 **Francy** Yo, Theo.

 **Theo the Younger** What up?

 **Francy** When are you going to tell your dad?

 **Theo the Younger** Lol, he already knows.

 **El Georgio** Rlly?

 **Theo the Younger** Yep.

 **Theo the Younger** He was like "Really? He's so much like his dad. I don't understand why he appeals to you." And then he went back to making dinner.

 **Willy Milly** Truth, tho.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** *is slightly offended*

 **Theo the Younger** *is sorry and wants you to know I love you*

 **Pippi-Longstocking** *loves you too*

 **Angica** *is rolling around on the floor and squealing*

 **Axe Body Spray** ^^

 **Jammy Dodger** ^^

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Get the fuck out of my room.

 **Angica** Come, my brothers! Let us discuss Philtheo in my bedroom!

 **Francy** Why do y'all Skype when you're in the same room with each other?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** No one's really sure, tbh.

 **Jammy Dodger** It's just been one of those things we've always done.

 **Jammy Dodger** Like inviting ourselves into each others' rooms and jumping on their beds.

 **Axe Body Spray** Retweet

 **Pippi-Longstocking** GET THE EVERLOVING FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM I STG I NEED FUCKING PANTS FUCK YOU ALL


	2. ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angica I can't fucking believe you.
> 
> Angica WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i prewrote the first two chapters and then was too lazy to post them

**Angica** I can't fucking believe you.

**Angica** WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Francy** What happened?

**Jammy Dodger** I AGREE IT'S NOT OKAY I NEED TO PUNCH THEM

**Willy Milly** I'm so confused tbh.

**Axe Body Spray** Pip and Theo are really cute, right?

**Axe Body Spray** YOU'RE WRONG

**Axe Body Spray** I STG THEY AREN'T EVEN SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

**Pippi-Longstocking** We're sitting across from each other.

**Pippi-Longstocking** ;)

**Theo the Younger** ;)

**Theo the Younger** We might not be talking, but we've been communicating this whole time.

**Theo the Younger** ;)

**Pippi-Longstocking** ;)

**El Georgio** I could hear the screaming over here.

**Theo the Younger** This is the funniest thing omg.

**Pippi-Longstocking** LMAO

**Pippi-Longstocking** Angie screamed, James fell out of his chair, and Axl ducked under the table to make sure we weren't doing foot stuff.

**Pippi-Longstocking** And now everyone's giving them weird looks I'm dyinggggg.

**Puppi-Longstocking** "It's all Philip's fault!" -Angie

**Theo the Younger** "I have no idea what you're talking about. How could it be my fault?" -Pip

**Theo the Younger** Classic.

**Angica** I hate you both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)
> 
> @chicken-cutlets-for-bfast


	3. y'all's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angica MWA HA HA H AH HA
> 
> Pippi-Longstocking Angelica Rachel Hamilton, it is 3:47 am on a Sunday. What have you done.
> 
> Angica Oh, y'know.
> 
> Angica Just found the BEST THING THE INTERNET HAS TO OFFER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w h y a m i n o t b e i n g a p r o d u c t i v e m e m b e r o f t h e h u m a n r a c e ? ? ?

**Angica** MWA HA HA H AH HA

**Pippi-Longstocking** Angelica Rachel Hamilton, it is 3:47 am on a Sunday. What have you done.

**Angica** Oh, y'know.

**Angica** Just found the BEST THING THE INTERNET HAS TO OFFER!

**Angica** Feast your eyes on THIS:

**Angica** https://vimeo.com/127105254

**Pippi-Longstocking** DEAR GOD WHY

**Pippi-Longstocking** THE SHEER AMOUNT OF M E M E

**Theo the Younger** Tag yourself I'm when Apollo turns into the Hulk.

**Willy Milly** Tag yourself I'm the disclaimer after Apollo turns into the Hulk.

**Pippi-Longstocking** I'm the children that made this video.

**Francy** It's the middle of second period and i hate you all.

**Theo the Younger** Why are you on your phone in the middle of second period?

**El Georgio** help i love memes too much

**Angica** OKAY BUT THAT'S SO RELATABLE??????

**Pippi-Longstocking** Frances you didn't answer the question.

**Francy** Sorry, my phone got confiscated. 

**Francy** Time for third period haha im dead inside

**Angica** ALSO REALLY RELATABLE??????

**Pippi-Longstocking** Angie, you need to go the fuck to sleep.

**Theo the Younger** But not us, who also live in your time zone?

**Willy Milly** ^^^^^^^^^^

**Pippi-Longstocking** See, while I care about both of y'alls's wellbeing, I have no control over either of you.

**Willy Milly** "y'all's"

**Francy** My father is literally from the American south and I've never heard any bullshit that was THAT bullshitty.

_**Theo the Younger** has changed the chat name to "_ y'all's _"_

**Angica** Help he's coming into my room

**Angica** Help he's trying to take my ophoneeeer

**Angica** I'm taking this from her and also her laptop and I'm not giving them back until morning. -P

**El Georgio** It's technically morning tho. 

**Theo the Younger** Have you managed to execute this without waking up anyone else in your house?

**Pippi-Longstocking** Surprisingly, yes. 

**Theo the Younger** Impressive.

**Pippi-Longstocking** thx babe

**Willy Milly** Theo, do his big brother skills make you think that he'd be a good dad?

**Pippi-Longstocking** S t o p

**Francy** Why does it matter when they're already getting married? 

**Francy** I mean, they've been in love since they were six, so.

**Pippi-Longstocking** I hate all y'alls.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Wait wtf where did Theo go?

**Theo the Younger** I'm bored look out your window. 

**Pippi-Longstocking** WAIT

**Pippi-Longstocking** HOW DID YOU GET OVER HERE SO FAST?????

**Pippi-Longstocking** _has sent an image_ **WTFHOW.jpg**

**Theo the Younger** I was bored and we don't live that far away don't think so highly of yourself

**Francy** Do we want to know what y'all are gonna do?

**Pippi-Longstocking** ;)

**Theo the Younger** See ya later we're gonna go super-make-out

**Willy Milly** Y'ALL CAN'T DO THAT

**Willy Milly** YOU CAN'T RUIN KIMMY SCHMIDT FOR ME

**Willy Milly** I HATE YOU SO MUCH

**Willy Milly** At least this answers my question with a "yes and i want to start right now"

7:47 am

**Angica** Pip finally gave me my stuff back WAIT WTF WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I WENT TO SLEEP????

**Angica** IS THAT WHY I GOT WOKEN UP AT 4:30 BY A CRASH?

**Angica** FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all should check out that link my friend made it and hates me so much for using this lmao


	4. Lincoln

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippi-Longstocking IDK what's happening here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch the videos mentioned in this chapter I stg

**Francy** HAVE YOU GUYS

**Francy** S E E N

**Francy** THE VIDEO ANTHONY RAMOS POSTED ON INSTA???

**Francy** IT IS BEAUTIFUL

**Francy** ALSO I SHIP THEM S O O O O MUCH LJKE WTF

**Willy Milly** YEP YEP YEP I STARTED HYPERVENTILATING WITH JOY

**Theo the Younger** Okay but also did you see the videos Sydney posted?

**Theo the Younger** They are so fantastic.

**Jammy Dodger** YES JASMINE'S LITTLE SMILE AT THE END OF THE FIRST ONE K I L L E D ME

**Axe Body Spray** Today is a good day for videos featuring Anthony and Jasmine.

**El Georgio** RT RT RT RT RT RT

**Pippi-Longstocking** IDK what's happening here.

**Theo the Younger** That's it.

**Theo the Younger** I'm coming over right now.

**Theo the Younger** You will listen to the entirety of Lincoln tonight I stg

**Theo the Younger** Also, unlock your window.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Oh, the hip hop musical you guys like?

**Francy** WE DO NOT L I K E IT

**El Georgio** WE FUCKING LOVE IT

**Francy** Thanks for stealing my line, bitch.

**El Georgio** Anytime.

**Axe Body Spray** Theo you can n o t start without me.

**Theo the Younger** I gotchu fam.

**Axe Body Spray** Fam, you say? When was the wedding and why wasn't I invited?

**Pippi-Longstocking** I hate all of you.

**Theo the Younger** Literally why did you not unlock your window yet?

**Willy Milly** Wait I wanna be a part of this.

**Willy Milly** Let's start a call, fam.

**Angica** Mkay, everyone in Pip's room, we'll do it on his laptop.

**Theo the Younger** I can't until Philip OPENS the WINDOW

**Pippi-Longstocking** I'M SORRY I WAS GETTING SNACKS FOR THIS

**Theo the Younger** I forgive you and also have I told you I love you?

**Angica** Goals.

**Francy** WAIT WAIT WAIT I WANT TO BE PART OF THE CALL

**El Georgio** ME TOOOOOOO

**Pippi-Longstocking** Mkay lemme call y'all.

**Jammy Dodger** I'm so excited for this!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most progress I've ever made a on a fic in one day lmao it's really easy to write I just draw from my group chat that's called "law and order succ" which should give you some insight as to what kind of people we are


	5. tampandas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axe Body Spray Okay but actually how often is Theo at our house?
> 
> Pippi-Longstocking You'd be surprised. 
> 
> Pippi- Longstocking Probably more than you tbh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually so easy to write wtf
> 
> I added chapter names woo

**Axe Body Spray** Okay but actually how often is Theo at our house?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** You'd be surprised.

 **Pippi- Longstocking** Probably more than you tbh.

 **Theo the Younger** That's actually pretty accurate.

 **Angica** So?

 **Theo the Younger**????

 **Angica** Am I gonna be an aunt?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Actually...

 **Jammy Dodger** WHAT

 **El Georgio** PLEASE TELL ME YOUNGUYS ARE KIDDING

 **Francy** Boy or girl?

 **Theo the Younger** Wait, I know why this is such a surprise to all y'all.

 **Theo the Younger** Philip, we didn't tell them about the wedding.

 **Willy Milly** IF THIS ISN'T A JOKE I WILL RIP YOUR HEADS OFF

 **Pippi-Longstocking** You're right, babe.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** How could we have forgotten something as important as that?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** So, y'all remember when I told my parents we were dating and I said it had been six weeks?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** That was a lie. We've been married for six weeks.

 **Axe Body Spray** I LEFR FOR A FEW MINUTES AME CAME BACK TO TBIS???!!!!???

 **Theo the Younger** Also I'm pregnant.

 **Axe Body Spray** HENEKSNSBDJDHDJAKAJSJDJDND

 **Angica** Philip Hamilton, unlock your fucking door.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** No.

 **Theo the Younge** r Mkay that was rlly emotionally rewarding.

 **Theo the Younger** Happy April Fool's day you guys!

 **Willy Milly** Okay, it's June.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Ha ha ha we got y'all so good.

 **Francy** WAIT A SEC

 **Francy** IS THIS ABOUT THAT FUCKING ALEX BRIGHTMAN VIDEO?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** Yep.

 **Theo the Younger** We just watched it lmao.

 **Angica** I FUCKING HATE YOU

 **Angica** Actually, no, I'm glad.

 **Angica** This means I can actually come to the wedding.

 **Willy Milly** Mkay I'm confused but whatevs

 **Jammy Dodger** How do bears deal with their periods tho??

 **El Georgio** With tampandas.

 **Angica** _has changed her nickname to_ **tampanda**

 **tampanda** That's the best thing I've ever heard.

 **Theo the Younger** Philip I'm leaving you for Alex Brightman.

 **Pippi-Longstocking** I would probably leave myself for Alex Brightman.

 **tampanda** Will you let me in your room now?

 **Pippi-Longstocking** No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz watch the Alex Brightman Hard Rock Life videos. 
> 
> Als plz go on my tumblr and reblog the tampandas joke because I'm very proud of it.


	6. "the tumblr"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippi-Longstocking LITERALLY WTF
> 
> Pippi-Longstocking ARE YOU ALL IN NEW YORK????
> 
> a smol meme bean Yep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the beginning, I'm referencing the UK split from the EU, just in case you didn't get it. 
> 
> do you ever just s i n??

**tampanda** Frances, baby, I am so sorry.

**Francy** It's fine lmao.

**Francy** Instead of visiting in a few days, we're moving.

**Willy Milly** WHAT???????

**Francy** Yeah my dad was just like "that's it we're going to New York" and my mom was like "oh thank god" and we've begun packing up now.

**Francy** Also we moved our flight up a few days.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Lmao I love the Laurens family.

**Theo the Younger** Mkay we gotta party.

**El Georgio** A huge party with snacks.

**Axe Body Spray** Lots of snacks.

**Willy Milly** All of the snacks.

**Jammy Dodger** They have to be American snacks, tho.

**Jammy Dodger** It has to be an immersion of American culture for the Laurenses.

**tampanda** WE SHOULD WATCH THE AMERICAN VERSION OF THE OFFICE

**Francy** PLEASE I'VE HEARD SUCH GREAT THINGS ABOUT IT AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE REFERENCES I SEE ON THE TUMBLR

**Axe Body Spray** "the tumblr"

**Francy** plz stop i am a smol meme

**El Georgio** Guys Virginie wants to be added.

**Theo the Younger** ADD HER ADD JER ADD HER ADD HER ADD BER I LOVE HER PLZ SHE IS MY SMOL BBY CHILD SHE IS MY FAVE

**tampanda** YES WE NEED MORE ESTROGEN IN THIS CHAT

**El Georgio** ughhhhhhhhhhhh

**El Georgio** _has added_ **a smol meme bean** _to the chat_.

**tampanda** VEEVEE

**Theo the Younger** MAH BAYBEE

**a smol meme bean** HI EVERYBODY

**a smol meme bean** Can someone pick us up from the airport? Georges wants to prove he's a real New Yorker but he doesn't understand how to do anything in the airport.

**El Georgio** VIRGINIE

**El Georgio** First of all I can find my way around shut up but also THIS WAS A SURPRISE THEY DIDN'T KNOW

**Willy Milly** ha ha hha if you're coming to the airport can you pick me up too?

**Pippi-Longstocking** LITERALLY WTF

**Pippi-Longstocking** ARE YOU ALL IN NEW YORK????

**a smol meme bean** Yep.

**El Georgio** Oui

**Willy Milly** Yeah pretty much.

**Willy Milly** Ooh, I see you, you little baguette fuckers.

**Theo the Younger** Mkay but how long are y'all gonna be here?

**a smol meme bean** We're here all summer.

**Willy Milly** As long as I'm at school for orientation, my parents don't really care.

**tampanda** And where are you staying?

**a smol meme bean** Your house.

**a smol meme bean** Like, it's already been worked out.

**a smol meme bean** This was going to be a rad surprise but NOOOOOOOOO

**El Georgio** I'm sorry I messed up!

**Jammy Dodger** I guess spending all that time Skyping your boyfriend makes you think just like him, huh Will?

**El Georgio** WILLIAM MULLIGAN I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TOLD HIM

**Willy Milly** I didn't, but you just told all of them.

**Jammy Dodger** LITERALLY WTF

**tampanda** WHY DO WE KEEP FINDING OUT ABOUT EVERYONE'S RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS GC???

**El Georgio** Bitch are we getting picked up or not?

**Pippi-Longstocking** The family minivan only seats seven, and, assuming all y'all want to come, we don't have enough room.

**Theo the Younger** Angie can drive and you and I can share ;)

**Pippi-Longstocking** What do you know, problem solved.

**Francy** Okay but there are literally eight members of the hamfam and your mom is pregnant.

**tampanda** Actually tho our parents are so weird and make zero sense 100% of the time.

tampanda Okay looks like I'm driving.

**tampanda** We'll be there in a lil.

**Francy** Plz can we Skype I feel lonely.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Just a few more days, bby.

**Pippi-Longstocking** But absolutely.

**Pippi-Longstocking** See y'all soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found out I won't see my brother for nine months so I wrote this to feel better about myself.


	7. Well, yeah, but not right now.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theo the Younger I love you. 
> 
> Pippi-Longstocking I love you more. 
> 
> Theo the Younger You better not be starting this shit with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little different. It's a pm with just Philip and Theo.

**Pippi-Longstocking** So, you remember our April Fool's joke?

**Theo the Younger** It happened yesterday, so, yes.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Well I was thinking about it.

**Pippi-Longstocking** And I couldn't help but wish that, maybe...

**Pippi-Longstocking** Well, that maybe it was real.

**Theo the Younger** Is this you telling me that you want children?

**Pippi-Longstocking** Well, yeah, but not just right now.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Look out your window.

**Theo the Younger** Philip Hamilton, are you proposing to me?

**Pippi-Longstocking** That is indeed why I'm on one knee and holding a ring.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Come down!

**Theo the Younger** Give me one sec.

**Theo the Younger** I love you.

**Pippi-Longstocking** I love you more.

**Theo the Younger** You better not be starting this shit with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;))))))))))))
> 
> I'm going to camp for three weeks tomorrow and idk if I'll be able to repeat or have the time to write. Sorry fam.


	8. ;) pt. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pippi-Longstocking Hey, don't worry about my whereabouts, nothing bad, I swear, I just eloped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The people at the beginning are who it's directed to, I tried to make it obvious but idk

**Pippi-Longstocking** >> **AdotHam** _and_ **Betsey**

**Pippi-Longstocking** Hey, don't worry about my whereabouts, nothing bad, I swear, I just eloped.

**AdotHam** Haven't you only been dating for six weeks?

**Pippi-Longstocking** I lied to you guys about that. We've been dating on the DL for about a year and a half, we just came out with it six weeks ago.

**Betsey** You are too much like your father I stg

**Betsey** Okay, when will you be home?

**Pippi-Longstocking** Probably by 4:30 but it's really up in the air at this point.

**AdotHam** Who did you get to be witnesses?

**Pippi-Longstocking** Georges and Will were making out in my room so I asked them to help me out.

**AdotHam** You guys remind me way too much of us and your uncles, way back in the day.

**Betsey** Yeah, and it's not a good thing.

**Pippi-Longstocking** I'm sorry about this but I'm really only telling you that, I would do it all over again.

**AdotHam** Go spend time with your wife, boy.

**

**Theo the Younger** >> **BurrSir**

**Theo the Younger** Dad, I've got something to tell you.

**BurrSir** Don't worry, I already know.

**BurrSir** He asked for my blessing.

**Theo the Younger** Okay, but did you know that we eloped?

**BurrSir** Yes, actually.

**BurrSir** Philip shot me a text from the courthouse.

**BurrSir** Use a condom and be home by nine am.

**Theo the Younger** I love you.

**BurrSir** I love you too.

**

**Pippi-Longstocking** >> **y'all's**

**Pippi-Longstocking** Mkay we're actually married for reals now.

**tampanda** Stop.

**Jammy Dodger** Yeah, you guys can't keep fooling us. We're not that dumb.

**El Georgio** You are, though.

**Willy Milly** Yeah, we were there.

**Francy** Please stop treating us like we're dumb.

**Pippi-Longstocking** _sent an image_ **behold.jpg**

**tampanda** THAT BETTER BE THE WORLD'S GREATEST FORGERY OF A NY MARRIAGE LICENSE OR J WILL SCREAM

**a smol meme bean** H O L Y S H I T

**Francy** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKITY FUCK????

**Axe Body Spray** Are you even coming home tonight?

**Pippi-Longstocking** We're dropping the boys off then heading out.

**Jammy Dodger** When you swing by home, you better show me the rings.

**Theo the Younger** I gotchu, fam.

**Theo the Younger** HAH I CAN SAY THAT AND HAVE IT BE TRUE BECAUSE WE'RE IN-LAWS NOW

**Axe Body Spray** Plz

**Pippi-Longstocking** We're turning on to the street rn, y'all better get your asses out here because we would like to minimize our time at home.

**Theo the Younger ;** )

**tampanda** why are you this way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually tho what is this anymore????? Probably nothing real. 
> 
>  
> 
> What is reality?
> 
>  
> 
> It's a minute after midnight and I'm having an extistential crisis.


	9. Well, you're not wrong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tampanda S H I T
> 
> Jammy Dodger S H I T
> 
> Willy Milly S H I T
> 
> Francy S H I T
> 
> a smol meme bean S H I T
> 
> El Georgio S H I T
> 
> Theo the Younger S H I T
> 
> Axl Body Spray F U C K

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not trans, so I have no idea if this is accurate (pretty sure it isn't), so plz forgive me.

**Francy** I stg this movie is so fucking weird.

**Pippi-Longstocking** What movie?

**Francy** Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

**tampanda** That gave me nightmares.

**Axl Body Spray** I remember that! It was really funny, you would wake up screaming about Oompa Loompas in jumpsuits.

**Willy Milly** Tag yourself I'm Oompa Loompa-related nightmares.

**Theo the Younger** Tag yourself I'm the jumpsuits.

**tampanda** Tag yourself I'm not being able to sleep for three and a half weeks.

**Pippi-Longstocking** No, that's dad.

**Jammy Dodger** Right now, all I can think about is the word "cheese" and cartoon images of a large wedge of Swiss.

**a smol meme bean** mE

**tampanda** @phil @theo where are you dudes?

**Pippi-Longstocking** I'm not sure

**Pippi-Longstocking** But I think it's somewhere near North Carolina.

**Theo the Younger** We are literally in Pennsylvania.

**Pippi-Longstocking** Split the difference and say Virginia?

**Theo the Younger** I see you have a grasp on geography.

**Jammy Dodger** Did you know

**Jammy Dodger** That

**Jammy Dodger** A potato

**Jammy Dodger** Flew around the room

**Jammy Dodger** Before you came in

**Willy Milly** Is anyone else even slightly concerted for Jamie's well-being?

**Pippi-Longstocking** Shit, did he remember testosterone?

**Pippi-Longstocking** At this point, his body's so used to it, it fucks him up when there's not enough.

**tampanda** S H I T

**Jammy Dodger** S H I T

**Willy Milly** S H I T

**Francy** S H I T

**a smol meme bean** S H I T

**El Georgio** S H I T

**Theo the Younger** S H I T

**Axl Body Spray** F U C K

**tampanda** Way to go, Axl.

**tampanda** BUT ANYWAYS I'M COMING RIGHT NOW JAMIE I HAVE TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT

**Jammy Dodger** Mkay sounds good.

**a smol meme** bean WTFthefuck is going on with the word "penis"?

**Willy Milly** WTFthefuck is going on with the English language?

**a smol meme bean** P R E A C H

**El Georgio** HOW DO YOU THINK WE FEEL?

**Willy Milly** French.

**tampanda** Gay. 

**Pippi-Longstocking** Hungry.

**El** **Georgio** Well, you're not wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I so hungry?


	10. final update

heyyyy, kiddos! i have begun a rewrite of this guy. i will leave it up, but i'll only be updating that one. hope you like it just as much as the other. here's the link: <http://archiveofourown.org/works/9483251>

**Author's Note:**

> what even was that? idk
> 
> find me on tumblr @chicken-cutlets-for-bfast


End file.
